


Every New Beginning

by tearbos85



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Drug Withdrawal, Episode Tag, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:55:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22299667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tearbos85/pseuds/tearbos85
Summary: After the events of 'Revelations', an unexpected visitor helps the team heal their wounds.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 46





	1. Surprise

**Author's Note:**

> I dusted this fic off, so to speak, from my file of unfinished stories. It's set directly after 'Revelations' so there are definite mentions of events in that episode. Also mentioned are events from 'Aftermath' and 'The Boogymen', but I'm sure everyone already knows what happened anyway!
> 
> Please note that I'm not in the medical field, so everything here is based off of my personal research.

The darkness enveloped him like a thick, heavy shroud. The dull light from the television in the corner did nothing to dispel his anxiety. The room was eerily quiet except for the sharp beeping of the monitors that echoed off of the empty walls. The constant chirping rhythm only added to the pounding in his head. All of his senses were on edge, each one amplified and abnormally pronounced. The sticky itch of the tape holding down the IV line, the humming static electricity from the television, the heaviness of the overweight blankets, all were exaggerated beyond normal.

He was suffocating, drowning, being swallowed by the darkness and the feelings and his thoughts. Despite his best efforts, he couldn't keep his mind from wandering back to the previous days' events. The memories were as strong as if they were actually happening. He glanced around the dark room; knowing it was futile but desperately hoping for something-anything-to divert his attention from his inner turmoil. Of course, he was alone. The nurses had forcibly removed his team members several hours ago so that he could rest. That was entirely useless. He couldn't sleep. He didn't want to sleep.

Every time he closed his eyes, he could smell the wet leaves and fresh dirt. When his eyes were closed, his bed became the dirty, hard floor that his head had impacted repeated, causing the minor concussion he now had. When he closed his eyes, the IV needle turned into a used syringe jabbing roughly into his arm; the silent television morphed into computer monitors replaying ghastly murder scenes. With nothing to distract him from the pain, his broken foot throbbed excruciatingly, his bruised ribs ached terribly, and his throat was dry and sore. So he kept his eyes open, but his fear lingered. The darkness held monsters only he knew were there.

It was overwhelming.

Terror.

Panic.

Both were quickly overtaking him.

Suddenly he couldn't breathe.

He was hyperventilating, gasping for air.

' _I can't breathe. This is it; I'm dying. Again. Alone in the dark. No one is here to help. Why don't they help me? Where are they?'…_

A soft knock on his door startled him out of his panic attack. The unexpected surprise of a visitor was enough to break its hold on him and snap him back into reality.

' _Who could that be?'_ The doctors and nurses didn't knock; they barged in uninvited. His team members were forbidden from returning until later in the day. _Who else would visit, especially this late (or is it early)?_

"Come in," he croaked quietly. His voice was rough and scratchy. He hoped whomever it was could hear him because he couldn't speak any louder. He watched expectantly as the door slowly creaked open, letting soft light from the hallway enter the room. In the gentle glow he saw a familiar face smiling at him.

"Elle?"


	2. An Honest Talk

"Hey Reid," she called cheerfully yet quietly as she entered completely and closed the door behind her.

"Do you want me to turn on the light?"

"Yes please." He gave a rough whisper in reply.

She reached over and raised the switch by the door. Light filled the room. It was too bright; he immediately covered his eyes. She quickly walked over to the bedside table, turned on the small lamp, then went back to the door and flicked off the main light.

"Is that better?"

He slowly removed his hands and blinked a few times to adjust. Then he nodded silently and looked up at her. His gaze followed curiously as she approached again and sat in the nearby chair. Her heart was still racing rapidly. 'Why am I so nervous? It's just Reid.' This mental mantra did little to calm her feelings of anxiety. She just hoped he didn't notice. He probably would though; he always did. She imagined that he was angry with her. After all, she had neither said goodbye nor kept in touch. She hoped he wouldn't tell her to leave; she really needed to be here, to be sure he was really ok. 'Why doesn't he say anything?' His silence was deafening, suspenseful. She thought she would explode if he didn't speak soon. Fortunately, she was saved by his muted voice.

"What are you doing here?"

It wasn't an angry or bitter question, just curious. She let out a deep breath in relief.

"I wanted to check on you, to see that you are okay." She deliberately kept her tone light and upbeat. He could surely use a little levity right now. If he wanted it, she would provide it.

"Why…how…" he paused and swallowed hard. It seemed he wanted to keep talking but it was too painful. She looked at the table and saw a bucket of mostly melted ice. 'That could be useful.'

"Would you like some ice?" A small nod. She lifted a large piece and dropped it into his mouth. She watched him suck on it for a few moments before offering up another piece. He took it eagerly.

"Is that better?" Another nod. She wondered how long it had been since he'd had some. The IV line in his arm was hydrating his body, but his throat was obviously still dry and tender. She decided to carry the conversation for a while. She had a lot to say anyway.

"You are wondering how I knew?" Another silent nod. "I saw the internal report come through my department. They were showing your picture and description, along with information about him and what he'd done. I freaked out; I called Garcia. She was nearly as hysterical as I was. I got what information she had about the case and the profile and the team's suspicions. I told my boss that I had to leave. He understood that I just had to be here. I had to help however I could. I needed to find you."

Her voice had risen with each sentence and she was speaking too quickly. She forced herself to slow down and take a breath. As she did, she noticed a slightly puzzled expression on his face.

"I've been here since yesterday. I wanted to help with the search but by the time I landed they had already figured out where you were and were on the way. So I stayed here in Atlanta, got a hotel room, and made myself wait a while before coming to see you. I didn't want to come and overwhelm you right away. It's hard enough with everyone around: doctors, friends, and reporters. I wanted to give you time to breathe and rest, so I came when things quieted down a little. It was hard though. I wanted to see you so badly. I just couldn't wait anymore and I figured you wouldn't be asleep, so here I am. I hope you don't mind."

An emphatic shake of the head was followed by a slightly louder whisper. "Actually, your timing is perfect. I was in need of some company."

A half smile, but it was wonderful to see. She'd missed that smile even more than she realized. "Glad I could be of service then." She returned the smile broadly.

"Why were you so anxious to get here?"

She stared at him in total shock, not at all believing what she heard, not able to respond for nearly a full minute.

"What! Are you kidding me? How can you even ask that? I came to see you of course, you're important to me! Don't you know that?" The look on his face made her suddenly aware that his self-esteem, while never particularly elevated, was especially low right now. Her quick exit had not given any added reason for him to think she valued him. Well, she would be sure to show him better. She vowed that by the time she left he would know how loved and special he is.

"Well first, I guess I kind of like you." Another small smile at that. "Besides that, not long ago you did something similar for me. I needed-wanted- to return that favor."

His face showed a mixture of disbelief and confusion. "But…"

"I know that you think I didn't appreciate your effort. I didn't at first. You don't know how good it felt later to realize that someone cared. I may not have shown you, but you forcing me to talk really made a difference. Especially after some time had passed and I was able to see and think clearly. Now I am here to do the same for you. I know it's soon, but that's better anyway. Talk to me, and no, you cannot get out of it. You made me cooperate by giving me the puppy dog eyes, but it won't work this time so spill."

His face alternated between surprise and fear. Fear won, and the pained expression he'd been wearing when she came in returned. It stabbed her heart to see it. She wondered if she'd had the same expression. It was quite depressing. He was silent for so long that she thought he wouldn't talk at all. She felt sad that he didn't want to open up to her. Maybe it was still too soon for him to talk. Then, he surprised her out of her thoughts by speaking in a quiet, almost detached tone.

He told her about the case, about the team's wrong assumptions about Tobias Henkel, and about the terrible realization that came too late. She listened with growing horror as he described his abduction in explicit detail. She knew the basics from the news and from talking to Garcia, but hearing him relate the beatings, the taunts, the gruesome murders, and his fears brought tears to her eyes and pain to her heart. If there was any person in the world that didn't deserve that kind of treatment, it was certainly her 'little brother'. She and Reid formed a sibling-like bond during their time working together, and while walking away from it had been hard, coming back to witness his trauma was agonizing.

By the time he got to the part where he was digging his own grave and watching the trees for flashlight beams, he was sobbing so hard his words were barely understandable and she had mascara running down her cheeks. She leaned forward in her chair to grab his hand, and he squeezed back for dear life. He cried harder, not even trying to continue the story. She just rubbed his hand and let him pour out all of his emotion and terror from the past few days. Knowing him, he'd tried valiantly to keep this all at bay while the others were around, and it gratified her that he allowed her to support him.

Once he'd cried himself out, she poured a little water into the paper cup on the table and offered it to him. He sipped it gratefully and sucked on more ice. She picked her purse off the floor and dug around for some lip balm. She held the tube up questioningly. He nodded in response so she applied it to his chapped lips. Her reward was a tiny smile of gratitude.

He struggled to sit up and she jumped up to stop him. "Let me raise the bed up for you," she insisted. She then spent a few minutes arranging the pillows and fussing over his blankets. When he was settled as comfortably as possible, she sat back down. To her great surprise, he resumed the story without prompting. His voice was stronger and smoother this time around. He told her about his immense relief at realizing he'd survived, the enormous sense of love and belonging as his team members hugged him despite his filthy appearance and horrible smell, and the overwhelming exhaustion that hit him as soon as he was safely ensconced in the ambulance. She fought back a grin at his expression of disgust as he talked about being examined and questioned by doctors, nurses, and fellow law enforcement personnel. She knew he didn't care for being touched, so she could imagine how he disliked the poking, prodding, and handling. She could also empathize with the feeling of being 'harassed' while suffering both mentally and physically. His tone was both appreciative and annoyed when he told her how the team made sure that someone was at his side from the moment they found him at the cemetery until the nurse threatened to call security on them if they didn't leave his hospital room. A tiny flush of embarrassment rose in his cheeks as he spoke about Hotch and Gideon arguing over which of them would be present during his exam. Neither had been willing to leave him even for an hour. He'd tried to get them both out to no avail; finally Hotch argued power of attorney and Gideon conceded begrudgingly. They both laughed at his description of Hotch in 'sentry mode' and scaring the nurses with his hard glare. He tried to sound irritated by the attention, but she could tell he was thankful they didn't leave him alone during the ordeal.

His story was winding down when he suddenly stopped and looked over at her. "Tell me something," he stated firmly.

The unexpected demand caught her off-guard. "W-what do you mean?" she stuttered in reply.

"Talk to me about something, anything. I'm sick of talking and I want to hear about you."

"Um, ok," she paused for a moment to think. "I'm back working with Brooklyn PD. My LT was my partner years ago, before I joined the Bureau. He got the promotion a few months before I came back, and he thinks I have a great chance at making Detective soon." She chuckled softly. "He said I didn't seem excited enough at the prospect. I told him that being promoted to Detective after being demoted from Special Agent wasn't all that exciting." They shared a grim laugh before growing silent. Tension crept into the room as they both realized she'd touched on the topic they'd been ignoring. Part of her wanted to just skip past it and continue talking about her job, but she knew that she owed him-and the others-an explanation for her actions. She looked down at the floor as she gathered her thoughts, but she lifted her head to look straight at him when she spoke.

"Reid, I know that I left under bad circumstances, and I hurt you guys by not saying anything. I didn't mean for that to happen; you have to believe that. My head was just in a bad place and I had to put some distance between me and all of the issues. I hope you can understand that." He stared at her without speaking for several long moments, and she feared that it was too late for apologies. Her heart thudded anxiously as her brain screamed reprimands for thinking she could fix this with a few sentences. She struggled desperately for something, anything, to say to him, but he beat her to the draw.

"I think…" he spoke quietly and pensively, "that I always did understand. I mean, I couldn't exactly relate until recently but I knew why you had to go. It did hurt but I'm not angry at you." Her spirit soared at his words, and she felt a weight she'd carried around for nearly a year lift from her shoulder just a little. She was unsure as to whether or not she was surprised at his willing forgiveness. His sensitivity made him easy to hurt, but he had the biggest heart of anyone she knew. If anyone had the capacity for unconditional forgiveness it was certainly Spencer Reid.

She smiled a genuine, broad smile at him. "You don't know how happy I am to hear that. I wasn't sure you'd even want to speak to me again."

"Elle, I could never judge you without giving you a chance to explain yourself," he said seriously. "And this, you don't even need to explain this. No apology necessary." He returned her smile and she leaned over to give him a peck on the cheek.

"Thanks Reid. I mean that. I just hope the others feel the same way."

"Just give them a chance. You're still one of us, always will be. I think you'll find that out for yourself soon enough."

"I hope so. Reid, have I told you what a great guy you are?"

"Not recently," he replied with a small grin, which she eagerly copied.

"Well, you are." She released his hand and stood from her chair. "I should probably let you get some sleep. You must be exhausted." He shook his head emphatically, but his voice, eyes and body language contradicted the action. "You can't fool me Reid. I can read it all over you."

"No really," he stated hurriedly. "You don't have to leave. I can't sleep anyway." The worry in his voice convinced her to stay instantly. She knew all too well what nightmares and fear could do to a person.

"Ok, then, I'll stay here but you need to try to sleep anyway. I promise not to leave you alone. Deal?" He looked hesitant but he nodded. She kicked off her shoes and laid her jacket over the back of the chair before sitting on the edge of the bed next to him. "Scoot over," she commanded. His expression was puzzled but he carefully moved over a few inches. She stretched out next to him, propping herself up on one elbow while grabbing his hand again with her other one. "See? I'll be right here if you need me." He gave her a tight relieved smile and patted the pillow with his free hand. She complied with his instruction, and then reached up to finger his dirty hair. The gentle touch seemed to relax him, and he allowed his eyes to drift shut.

She continued to play with his hair, and gradually his grip on her other hand slackened. As he slept she studied him. He looked so different since she'd last seen him. Not older exactly, as he still had a youthful appearance, but he had matured. His features were more defined, and gorgeous. His hair was longer now and it emphasized his sculpted jaw line and full lips. She always thought he was a 'cute kid', but he'd become an attractive young man in a relatively short time. Something about that sent her maternal instincts into action, even though she was only a handful of years older than him. A sudden desire to take him somewhere safe and protect him washed over her. Even though she knew it was impossible, she made a silent wish that nothing else bad happened to him.

She watched him sleep as she slowly began to relax herself. He stirred and whimpered a few times, but she whispered reassurances until he settled down. Eventually, her worry and stress from the past days caught up with her and sleep took hold.


	3. Questions

Emily sighed deeply and glared at her Styrofoam coffee cup. Even though she was used to unusual hours with her job, getting up before the sun always made her irritable. Add that to the chaos of the past week and her likability had hit an all-time low. She was just thankful that no one else was with her at the moment. She had a good hour and a half before visiting hours would start officially, but she promised Hotch and Gideon she'd be there early. It was the only way to get the senior profilers to agree to get some much-needed rest. So now she paced the hall outside of Reid's room, trying valiantly to build up some positivity. The last thing Reid needed now was her moping around sullenly while he tried to come to terms with his ordeal.

His ordeal…

Just thinking about what he endured made her stomach ache and her blood boil. _The bastard's lucky Reid shot him. If I got a chance at him…_

It surprised her to realize that the sudden burst of anger actually did wonders for her mood. Having someone to focus her negative energy on cleared her head and allowed her to concentrate on coming the task at hand: Reid-watching, as Morgan had named it. They'd actually spent nearly an hour arguing about what to call the duty the team members would be sharing over the next few days, mostly to avoid focusing on the real issues that needed to be dealt with. They'd also debated the terms kidnapping (sounds too childish), abduction (too weird), hostage situation (too inaccurate), and capture (too dramatic) before settling on the term "involuntary confinement". That seemed to sum it up without being too descriptive. They were both well aware that discussing vocabulary was a rather pointless diversion; however, it seemed to help at the time. She wondered briefly what Reid would think about their choice of words.

Thinking about Reid's thoughts sent a stab of guilt through her as she realized she'd considered everyone's feelings but his. She, Morgan, Emily, and JJ spent time talking about how they all felt over the past days, and she stayed awake all night thinking about her own emotions. She hadn't really given much attention to how he was dealing with all of this mentally. Of course, she'd thought about what he suffered physically and listened attentively to the doctors' prognosis for his recovery. The psychological ramifications she'd conveniently pushed to the back of her mind to address later.

Apparently, now was that time as her brain kicked into overdrive with terrible possibilities ranging from severe PTSD to 'major depressive episodes' to complete psychosis. Her limited knowledge of his family history added fuel her paranoid imaginings. As the vision of him in a padded room talking to himself became dreadfully vivid, she decided not to wait for the appointed time to visit. _I know I can sweet talk the agent to letting me in early._ She doubted that Reid would be asleep; she'd certainly not slept well the previous night. Her decision made, she hurried down the hall. The agent sitting guard looked up at her approach. "Agent Prentiss," she said quickly as she pulled out her badge. He must have been told to expect her as he nodded and stood to unlock the door. "Anything change overnight?"

"No ma'am," he replied. "I got here about two hours ago and Agent Dell filled me in on everything. There's been no excitement since I've been watching."

"Good, thank you." He stepped back and she quietly pushed the door open. She was concentrating so hard on being quiet in case Reid was asleep that she didn't even notice anything amiss right away. It was only as she looked to find a chair that she stopped dead in her tracks and nearly dropped her coffee in shock. _No way, there's no way I'm seeing this!_ She turned around and closed her eyes for a count of ten, and then she faced Reid's bed again only to be greeted by the same sight. She was so surprised that she left the room in a hurry without even taking time to process what she'd seen. The agent looked up as she nearly tripped over him in her rush. "Um, he's still asleep…I'll just wait out here," she said rapidly as she strode to the nearby waiting room to think.

The pattern on the carpet became embedded into her brain as her pacing of the small room increased in speed. She frantically recalled recent conversations with Reid to see if he'd given any indication of having a girlfriend. _If he does and Morgan knows I'd have heard about it by now. What if he's been keeping her secret?_ The idea of a secret love interest seemed a bit silly but if anyone would keep that under wraps, it would be Reid. _What if she's his wife? Maybe they eloped and didn't want anyone to know…Ok, now you're really being silly? What reason would he have for not telling us he's married?_ The few details she knew about Reid's personal life scrolled through her mind. She'd seen pictures of his mom so that couldn't be it. He didn't have a sister that she knew of… _what if he didn't know? What if she's just finding him-a half sister from after his dad left perhaps?_ She knew she was making drastic leaps of logic now, but there was nothing to stop her and bring her back to reality. She could barge in and demand answers, but that would be rude and unnecessarily dramatic. She could call Garcia!

That decided, she pulled out her phone to make the call. Fortunately, reason stepped in and she remembered that Garcia was at the hotel with the others. It certainly wouldn't do to have someone like Hotch or Gideon find out she was checking Reid's file. Maybe she could check herself. Surely the hospital had a computer. She could Google him and just see what comes up…

A familiar voice in the hall broke into her racing thoughts. _Morgan? What is he doing here so soon? He knows I have first shift!_ She glanced at her watch and was startled to see she'd been driving herself crazy with possibilities for nearly an hour. She hurried down to where he was chatting with the agent by the door. The night's sleep had done him good; he looked much better than he had over the past few days.

"Hey, there you are!" He greeted with a grin as he held up a cup of coffee. "I thought you might need a refill." His gaze turned quizzical, and she imagined he could see the insanity of her previous thoughts. "Is everything ok?" He glanced worriedly at the door to Reid's room as he spoke.

"Yeah, it's fine," she quickly assured him as she took the fresh coffee. She'd left the other behind somewhere during her pacing anyway. "It's just…"

"What?" He asked when she didn't continue.

"Well there's…there's a lady in there with Reid."

"A lady…you mean a nurse? So what?"

"No, I mean a lady lying in bed with Reid."

He looked at her like she had two noses. "What are you talking about?"

"There's a lady lying next to Reid."

He put his hand to her forehead. "Are you feeling ok Prentiss?"

"Yes! I'm not kidding Morgan."

"You're seriously telling me some woman got passed security and went to lay in bed with Reid?"

"Yes. Some pretty brunette lady…I'm not crazy I promise!"

"OK," he conceded. "I guess I have to see this for myself." His small grin showed he wasn't entirely convinced. She sighed deeply and followed him into the room. He stopped short and she smiled smugly in satisfaction.

"See?" she whispered in his ear. He must not have known that she followed him as he jumped slightly in response to her voice. When he turned to face her, his expression was a mixture of happy surprise and guilty pain. _He obviously knows who this is, but I'm not sure if that's a good thing._ She looked at him questioningly, and he tipped his head toward the door. They left quietly before she demanded answers.

"Ok, so who is that? You obviously know."

"It's Elle…" he replied, sounding slightly amazed.

"Elle?" she asked with a frown. "Elle as in…" _as in the 'Elle I replaced'?_

"Yeah, our old team mate. I'm not sure how she found out, though." She couldn't help but be amused by his shocked tone. It wasn't often that a woman could unsettle Derek Morgan. He and Reid had filled her in on the details of Elle's departure one night after work, so Emily knew that she hadn't left under good circumstances. Still, it seemed Morgan's reaction was a bit extreme. _Maybe it's just because of all the anxiety and emotional upheaval from the past few days._

"Is it bad that she did?"

"What? Oh, no, it's not bad," Morgan assured her. "It's just...it's been a while."

"Oh, well she probably saw the press release on the news. Reid sure seems comfortable with her," she added as indicated the room they just left.

"Yeah I noticed. I'm not really sure what that's all about either."

"Some profiler you are then," a voice interrupted from behind them. They both jumped, not having heard Elle open the door. Emily took a moment to study the woman who'd left so deep a hole in her team. Elle's eyes were bloodshot and surround by dark circles. Her cheeks were puffy as if she'd been crying recently. Her clothes and hair were rumpled and her voice was rough from lack of sleep. Despite all of that, Emily could tell that she was very attractive. _One more thing to add to the list of 'reasons why Elle is great'._

She knew logically that there was no reason for her to be jealous; she'd more than earned her place on the team and they were quickly accepting her as one of them. That knowledge did little to dispel the knot forming in her stomach at Elle's unexpected reappearance. The tiny, insecure voice in her head said that if Elle wanted to come back to the team, they wouldn't hesitate to make room by getting rid of her.

All of those thoughts flashed through her mind in seconds, only slowing because she realized that Morgan was asking Elle one of the question she wanted answered.

"How is he doing?"

Elle let out a weary sigh. "He's sleeping okay now, but it was rough for a while. I think it was around 2 when I made him go to sleep, and he got about 30 minutes in before the nightmares started. It was off and on from there." She glanced at her watch. "The last one I remember was about 5."

"Man," Morgan whispered as he ran a hand over his head. "I'm glad you were there. We all wanted to stay but he insisted on being alone for a while. The nurses backed him up and kicked us out."

"I'm surprised you got Hotch and Gideon to leave. I figured they'd be camped out in the hall."

"I agreed to come in as early as possible. That was the only way to get them to leave," Emily stated as she joined the conversation. Elle turned curious eyes to her and she realized that, while she knew quite a lot about her, Elle had no idea who she was. "Emily Prentiss," she added as she extended a hand.

"Elle Greenaway," she responded politely. "How long have you been with the team?"

_What's a nice way to say that I technically arrived before you left?_ "It's been just over four months now," she finally said. She could almost see the calculations going on in Elle's head, but to her credit she just nodded.

"That's good. I hope you're treating my guys well," she added with a tiny smile that Emily couldn't help but reciprocate. She began to think that she might actually like Elle if she could just get over her selfish issues.

"Well, I'm trying, but they a bit difficult," she replied in the same teasing tone. Elle laughed and Morgan glared indignantly at her.

"We are not difficult," he said with mock seriousness. Then he suddenly turned to Elle. "Hey, speaking of 'treating well', what's with you and Reid getting all cozy?"

_Yeah, what is with that? He's never seemed very affectionate to anyone else._ Fortunately Elle responded before Emily's mind could conjure up anymore unlikely theories.

"We were pretty close Morgan. I'm not really sure how you missed that." _Close? How close?_

"I got that, but I guess I didn't realize you guys were that tight."

"I tell you what Morgan. Why don't you grab some more coffee and meet us in the waiting room. Then I'll tell you all about it!" She winked at Emily as Morgan nodded and hurried to the stairs. "He can never resist a bit of gossip," she whispered conspiratorially. "Make him think he's getting something good and you can get him to do all sorts of things."

"Really?" Emily asked with genuine curiosity. "Like what?" _This information could come in handy one day._

"Come on," she indicated the waiting room down the hallway. "I'll give you the rundown before he gets back."


	4. Wounds Still Healing

Derek walked warily towards the waiting room juggling the three steaming cups of coffee. He could hear Emily and Elle's voices floating down the hall and it was freaking him out a little. _This is just too much for me to deal with right now on top of everything else._ The whole way down to the cafeteria and back he'd been trying to process Elle's sudden arrival and her apparent 'closeness' to Reid that he'd obviously failed to recognize. He felt that, compared to the past few days when his mind was working in overdrive, his thoughts were now going in slow motion. Talking to Elle brought up memories and emotions he hadn't been prepared to face, and his brain was simply refusing to process anything new.

He sighed deeply and entered the room. He smiled slightly as he saw the women engrossed in conversation and laughing about something. It pleased him to see them getting along so well. _Maybe they can because they don't have the history that the rest of us do._

"Ahem," he cleared his throat loudly to catch their attention. They both looked at him with guilty expressions that told him they'd been talking about him. He just gave them a wink and said, "Talking about anything good?"

"That's up for debate," Elle replied with a mischievous grin. Emily choked back a laugh. He glared at them both before passing out coffee. He sat in the chairs across from them and leaned forward eagerly.

"So, about you and Reid…" Elle sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Whatever it is that you're thinking, I'm sure you're wrong," she replied. "He's like my brother. We have each others' backs, or well, we did anyway."

"But how, I mean when…you never seemed that close to me," he stammered as he struggled to express his confusion. _How did I not notice this?_

"Well, he did save my life, and trust me, he didn't let me forget it!" Elle laughed slightly, and then paused before continuing. "I guess that bonded us somehow. I gained a new respect for him and things changed between us. After Texas we started hanging out occasionally, going to see a play or catch a game at a bar. We talked about all kinds of things and it turned out we had a lot more in common than we thought. We're both from big cities; we both lost a parent around the same age; we both had a lot of obstacles and harassment when we joined the Bureau. I don't know…we just clicked all of a sudden." She sighed deeply. "Did you know that he came to talk to me during the case in Dayton?" Derek shook his head. "He could tell I was upset and he tried to help. I didn't cooperate all that well. I was angry and bitter and sarcastic, but he was so sweet and thoughtful. He stayed with me most of the night watching me clean out the mini bar while he nursed his one drink. He didn't seem to mind my bitching about the case or complaining about Hotch or anything."

"Man, I just don't know how I didn't see this. How did I miss the change?"

"I don't think it was obvious. I'm not sure I even noticed it at the time. You know, after I left I tried to push everything that happened out of my mind. I even pretended that I wasn't as attached to you guys as I really am. I guess I was doing a pretty good job because it caught me by surprise when I saw that report about Reid and went into a panic. I've only been that scared once or twice in my life. Just ask Garcia how I was when I called."

"I'm really sorry you had to find out that way," Emily spoke quietly. "I wish we'd thought to call you."

"No, don't be sorry. I completely understand. You had to focus on getting Reid back and I'm glad you didn't get distracted from that. Who knows what could have happened if you hadn't gotten there when you did."

"Did he tell you anything about it?" Derek asked. He had a strong feeling that what they saw on camera were only the highlights of the awful events.

"It seems like he told me everything. It took a while to get through the whole story. He had to stop a couple of times." Hearing those words broke Derek's heart. He knew of course that Reid would have difficulty coping with his 'involuntary confinement', as they all would. It just hurt to hear how hard a time he was having. Usually Reid tried hard to put up a tough front; for him to show his emotions so openly spoke to the depth of his trauma.

"…am surprised he was willing to talk so soon," Emily was saying when Derek tuned back into the conversation.

"It took a bit of prodding, but I think he was ready to get it out. I told him sooner was better and it's true. It's hard now, but in the long run it really helps."

"You probably had a hard time listening to that too," Emily added. "We only got bits and pieces."

"Yeah, it was hard. I said I would let him rest, but honestly, I was glad when he told me to stay. I didn't really want to leave him alone…" she trailed off as she glanced at her watch. "Oh man, it's been over thirty minutes. I better go make sure he's still asleep. I promised not to leave." She jumped up and hurried out of the room. Derek and Emily followed her quickly. As they reached Reid's door they saw a doctor approaching. He looked up from the chart he was reading and was startled to see the three of them standing there. He glanced at his watch.

"Wow, it's only five minutes after eight. You didn't waste any time."

"Actually, we've been here for a while now, and she stayed the night," Emily responded while pointing towards Elle. The doctor raised his eyebrows in surprise, but Elle spoke before he did.

"I wanted to ask you about something. You are his doctor right?" Dr. Allen nodded. "What are the withdrawal symptoms for Dilaudid?"

"Why do you ask," he said curiously? "Has something happened?"

"Well, earlier he was having severe headaches and dizziness, and he said his stomach hurt a few hours ago. He also seemed feverish. It just sounded like the beginning of withdrawal to me."

"That's a pretty good observation," he replied. "Actually though, it's more likely to be side effects of the medicine we're giving him to help ease the withdrawal."

"So, what?" Derek chimed in. "The medicine you're giving him has the same effects as what you're trying to prevent? What's the point then?"

"That's only true to a certain extent. The medicine is called Subutex; it's a buprenorpine and it is a similar drug to methadone. We administer it to fight withdrawal because the side effects are milder in comparison, and it also helps reduce cravings during the detox phase. It's like using a nicotine patch instead of quitting cold turkey. His body has been through a lot over the past few days, and we don't want to shock his system by cleaning it out all at once. It also helps with pain management, though not as well as he'd probably like. I'm afraid to give him anything stronger until we see how his heart is recovering."

_Heart…recovering…CPR!_ The thoughts sent cold shivers down Derek's spine as he recalled those horrifying moments before Tobias revived Reid. "Are you expecting any trouble with his heart? I mean, as far as long-term effects?" He vaguely remembered the doctor saying something about that yesterday, but he hadn't been paying much attention at the time.

"So far his ECG readings have come back positive. We are going to keep monitoring over the next few days, especially as he's detoxing, but it appears he avoided major damage. It's possible that he won't regain his full stamina, but I don't foresee any problems as of now."

"That's good," Derek said while Emily asked, "Can we see him now?"

Dr. Allen smiled briefly. "I was just doing morning rounds, so why don't you go in and wake him for me so I can look him over? Then when I'm done, you can come back in." They agreed, and Emily walked over to open the door. He was sleeping quietly but he had a deep frown on his face. Derek was just about to suggest that they let him sleep a little longer when Elle went and sat next to Reid on the bed. He watched in amazement as she stroked his hair and called his name softly. After a few moments, Reid's eyes fluttered open and stared at Elle in confusion.

"What happened," he asked in a raspy voice? "Is something wrong?"

"No, everything's fine," she reassured him. "It's morning; the doctor is here to check you out, and Morgan and Emily want to say hi." He glanced in their direction and gave a tiny twitch of a smile.

"Hi guys," he croaked.

"Hey man, how are you feeling?" Derek asked as he approached the bed.

"Fine," he replied insincerely. Everything about his appearance contradicted the words anyway, so it was obvious that he was lying.

"Yeah, of course you are," Derek said bemusedly. _You look like hell,_ he thought, but wisely decided not to say aloud. He casually studied Reid, taking in the dirt still caked to his hairline and the bruising on his face that was even more pronounced than it had been the day before. "We just wanted to see you for a minute before the doc here gives us the boot." Dr. Allen smiled at him.

"You can come right back as soon as I'm done. This shouldn't take long at all."

"Actually, they can stay if they want," Reid interjected hurriedly. "I don't mind."

"Are you sure?" Dr. Allen responded curiously. Reid nodded emphatically. Derek didn't have to be told twice; he planted himself in the bedside chair-just within arm's reach should a problem arise, but not too close to be in the way. Emily and Elle still looked a bit uncertain though.

"It's fine, really." Reid insisted, and pointed to the chairs against the wall. They obliged him by taking a seat. Derek was both surprised and gratified that Reid was allowing them to be a part of this. He was typically such a private, reserved person that something this personal seemed a bit out of character. _Of course, having a near-death experience several times over is bound to change your perspective on things. We can't expect that he'll be exactly the same as before all of this happened._

Dr. Allen had pulled back the blankets on the bed, revealing the navy blue sweatpants and navy and white striped sock that Derek had retrieved earlier from Reid's ready bag. Reid's left foot was bandaged nearly from toe to heel and elevated slightly on a rolled towel. As the doctor carefully removed the bandage, horrific black and blue markings stood out in deep contrast to the pale skin. Derek hadn't seen the injury the previous day, but aside from the bruises he couldn't see any damage. He knew from the x-ray image the doctor had shown them that several small bones were broken and even more held varying degrees of fractures. Reid would be decidedly less mobile for a while.

Derek saw Reid wince in pain as Dr. Allen gently wiggled his toes and manipulated his ankle. He opened his mouth to protest the action, but he managed to hold back at the last second. After all, what did he know about this sort of thing? Besides, Reid wasn't complaining, and if there was a better way he would certainly mention it.

"I think things are going well so far," Dr. Allen announced as he re-wrapped the bandage. "I don't see any reason for applying a hard cast. I still want you to stay off of it as much as possible for at least a week. Then we'll see about getting you an air cast so you can walk on it a little."

Reid just nodded in response, but something caught Derek's attention. "At least a week? He's going to have to be here that long?"

"Well, I'm going to hang on to him for two more days for now, then we'll see if I can bear to part with him." Dr. Allen smiled at Reid, who gave a tiny grin of embarrassment. "Honestly, though, I just want to make sure everything is ok before I release him to travel. The last thing we need is for him to have a heart attack on the flight home."

"Could that happen?" Emily questioned from across the room. Derek had nearly forgotten about her sitting there.

"At this point it's pretty unlikely, but we aren't taking any chances. Besides, we aren't treating you that badly are we Spencer?"

"Well," Reid replied with more than a hint of sarcasm, "you still won't let me eat anything, so that drastically lowers my opinion of your care." Derek tried to contain a snort of laughter, but he failed when he realized the others in the room hadn't even tried. Once the moment passed, Dr. Allen looked thoughtfully at Reid's chart.

"I tell you what, I'll order you a light breakfast and we'll see how you do with that. If things go well we can take it from there. Will that work?" Reid nodded eagerly. "Good. But you have to promise to write me a good review."

"I can do that," Reid said in a mildly upbeat voice. Derek was suddenly extremely grateful that Reid had such a caring and attentive doctor. He certainly deserved it after all he'd been through. While they talked about Reid's future breakfast, Dr. Allen consulted the digital readout on the ECG monitor. Upon deciding it was satisfactory, he moved to stand behind Reid and help him sit up straight. He performed the usual tasks of listening to Reid's lungs, looking at his eyes, and checking the thermometer. He then asked if he could check on the fractured ribs. Reid agreed rather reluctantly. At first, Derek assumed it was because Reid was embarrassed; he quickly realized that even the gentle touch Dr. Allen used to unwrap the bandage caused pain.

The reason for that became terribly clear once Reid's chest was bare and the extensive bruising on his torso was exposed. There were numerous, distinctly finger-shaped markings, and the knowledge of what caused them made Derek feel ill. Reid flinched several times during Dr. Allen's careful palpation, but he didn't complain or protest the examination. After a few minutes Dr. Allen straightened up and addressed the group of observers.

"Are any of you going to be babysitting Spencer once he goes home?" The question earned him a half-hearted glare from Reid and barely-smothered laughs from Elle and Emily. Derek nodded affirmatively. "If Spencer doesn't mind," he continued with a glance in Reid's direction, "I'd like for you to watch how I rewrap his ribs. It'll have to be done for a couple of weeks, but if it's not done correctly it can impair his breathing. Do you think you're up to it?" All three nodded solemnly. He glanced at Reid, who nodded his approval. Dr. Allen beckoned them closer and explained the procedure step-by-step. Once finished he helped Reid back into his hospital gown and into a more comfortable position. He gave instructions on applying ice to the injuries as well as the length of time to keep the bandage on. He asked Reid a series of questions about his level of pain, his breathing ability, and any other symptoms he was feeling. Reid dutifully answered them all, and Dr. Allen concluded that his earlier assessment about the medication was correct. Finally he left, and the room was plunged into silence.

Derek watched Reid shift against the pillows, seemingly worn-out by all of the activity. Elle and Emily exchanged a few glances between them, but neither broke the quiet atmosphere. The soft ringing of Derek's phone caused them all to jump with surprise-followed by a grimace of pain from Reid.

"Sorry," he muttered as he pulled the offending object from his pocket. The display read _Baby Girl_ and he felt a smile cross his face. "Hello angel," he greeted.

"Hey Hot Stuff," she responded breathlessly. "How's our boy?"

"He's ok. The doctor just came and…"

"That's good," she interrupted hurriedly. His eyebrows rose at her impatience. "Listen, the boss men are on the way there now. They've been arguing all morning so look out."

_Oh, this should be fun!_ "Arguing, about what?"

"Oh you know, the usual. 'It's all my fault,' 'no it's mine,' 'no you did what you had to,' that sort of thing. I just wanted to give you a heads up for when they get there."

"Thanks darling, but why aren't you coming too?"

"I, um…I'm finishing up a few things here-at the hotel-then I'll be over." Her vague answer left him confused and suspicious, but he decided not to push the issue for the moment.

"What's the ETA on Hotch and Gideon?"

"About 15."

"Ok, thank you baby doll."

"You're welcome sweetness. Tell my Sweetie hi. Gotta go!" She hung up without waiting for his response. He stared at the phone in surprise for a few seconds before Elle's voice connected with his ears.

"What was all that about?"

"Huh? Oh, Hotch and Gideon are coming; they'll be here in about 15 minutes. Garcia says they aren't in the best of moods."

"Oh boy," Emily replied nervously.

"Well, this should be fun," Elle unknowingly echoed his previous thought in a sarcastic tone. "We'll have such a happy reunion."


	5. The Blaming Game

Hotch strode down the hospital corridor as he tried to ignore the emotions raging inside his mind. His worry for Reid had been a constant, throbbing pain that kept him awake most of the night. He'd managed only a few hours of sleep before getting up to face what was certain to be a difficult day. True to his expectations, things were already off to a bad start. In between checking on a sedated JJ, trying to comfort the distraught Garcia, and listening to Jason overanalyze and recriminate every decision made during the last week, he'd fielded concerned phone calls from his division chief, Section Chief Strauss, the Director, and the FBI's legal department. The Bureau sent another liaison to handle the media circus. That was one thing he could be grateful for at the moment. It took the burden off of him-though he'd been informed that he had to participate in a press conference later in the day; it also meant he didn't' have to worry about the additional stress being placed on JJ. She was struggling enough to cope with recent events.

_We all are. It's a wonder we can even function._

As he approached Reid's room, he tried to push aside the nagging feelings of guilt plaguing him. This wasn't the time to focus on his own concerns. He had an injured, traumatized young agent to visit. He squared his shoulders and took a deep breath. He wasn't sure what to expect. Last night when they'd finally left, Reid had been exhausted and withdrawn. That was expected, of course, but they were all reluctant to leave him alone. He had insisted, and the nursing staff backed him up. Knowing that Emily would be at the hospital early had only slightly eased his anxiety, and he felt uncharacteristically nervous. Of all the things he'd imagined, though, the sight that greeted him was not one he'd prepared for.

He barely noticed Jason brushing past him to enter as he stared at the faces of Emily and Elle sitting side by side opposite Reid's bed. He blinked several times to clear his vision, but the image was the same. He locked eyes with Elle but her expression was hard to interpret-a mixture of anxiety, acceptance, and smugness. It was simultaneously endearing and irritating, which was so typically Elle that he smiled internally. For one of only a few times in his life, Hotch found himself completely lacking an appropriate response. The tension in the room was nearly palpable, as if everyone was expecting him to blow up at any moment. Surprisingly, however, he realized he didn't feel angry. If anything he was disappointed that things hadn't worked out for anyone's best interest and sad that the team lost a member and friend because of a series of unfortunate circumstances. They continued to stare silently as he forced his mind to formulate a greeting. The casual 'Elle' didn't feel right, and the formal 'Agent Greenaway' didn't apply anymore. Finally, Hotch settled on tipping his head slightly toward her and stating lightly, "Greenaway."

"Hotch," she replied just as casually with a light smirk. He couldn't shake the feeling that she was daring him to challenge her, but that wasn't why he was here.

 _Speaking of why I'm here…_ He turned to look at his coworker lying propped up against several pillows. In his usual fashion, Jason had completely ignored the others in the room and focused his attention to his young protégé. Hotch was certain that he didn't realize their former team member was present. He was torn momentarily between trying to get a word in around Jason's fussing over Reid and talking to Elle. He decided to give Jason (and Reid) some space for a few minutes and walked to the window next to the chairs. He sat on the sill and looked toward the women.

"How have you been?" He tried to keep his tone friendly and light but he couldn't be sure that he succeeded.

"Good, really good," she answered earnestly, and he believed her. She looked good, much better than when she left the team. The bitterness in her eyes and hardness of her countenance seemed to have faded in the months following her departure from the FBI.

"I'm glad. I hear you are on the fast track to making detective."

"You still have ears everywhere huh? Yeah, my bosses think my experience will move me along pretty quickly."

"That's good. You are certainly qualified." It occurred to Hotch that this level of shallow conversation could continue for quite a while without ever touching on anything significant. He had many questions rolling around in his mind, but most of them would have to wait. A couple, however, he felt safe asking. "When did you get here?"

"Yesterday early morning. I kept in touch with Garcia and she told me you were all on the way here so I just got a room here and camped out for a while."

"You must have seen the news. I'm sorry we didn't think to call you."

"It's ok. Like I told Emily, you guys had more important things on your minds at the time." She tilted her head to indicate Reid as she spoke. He realized that Elle hadn't met Emily before this, but it seemed that they were already getting along.

"I'm glad to see that you've met," he indicated both women as he spoke.

"Yes, Elle was letting me in on some of the earlier exploits of our mutual friends," Emily answered with a nervous smile. Her anxiety was interesting to him. She fit in well with the team, and in the few months since she joined they'd begun to think of her as their own. Obviously though, the events of the week combined with Elle's sudden appearance tossed a kink into her carefully constructed role. He sincerely hoped that once things settled down she would regain her usual confidence.

_This week has thrown us all for a loop. Dr. Benson will have his hands full trying to help us deal with all of this._

"Oh really?" He raised an eyebrow at Elle. "What have you been telling her exactly?" Emily and Elle exchanged mischievous grins, but before either could respond the door opened and Garcia burst into the room. She looked around eagerly for Reid and hurried over to him, pushing past Jason without a second glance.

"There you are Sweetie!" She exclaimed while Jason reached out to slow her down. It was unnecessary though, as she stopped near the top of the bed and gently kissed Reid's forehead. "Oh my goodness I was so worried about you darling! Are you ok? You look ok, are you?"

Reid smiled lightly at her. "Yeah, I'm ok."

"Oh good! Don't ever make me panic like that again!" She scolded while waging a finger at him.

"I'll try my best." He managed to sound almost sincere.

"Good." Garcia glanced around the room, finally acknowledging the others. "Sorry, hi everyone." They all chimed in appropriate greetings. "Oh! You're here already," she called out as she spotted Elle."

"Yeah, I came last night," she replied as Garcia hurried over for a hug. "Thanks for helping me Pen," Elle whispered in Garcia's ear just loud enough for Hotch to overhear.

_Of course, I should have known. How else would Elle know how to find Reid?_

Just then, the door opened again as a nurse bustled into the room, carefully wading through the group occupying the space. She smiled briefly in greeting to them before turning her attention to her patient.

"You look much better today Spencer. How are you feeling?"

"Not too bad, Liz. I'm definitely better than when you were here last."

"Good. I'm really glad to hear that. Let's keep it that way, shall we?" He nodded while she quickly checked his IV lines and fluid drips. She gathered his breakfast items onto the tray and asked, "Is there anything you need me to do for you?" Liz leaned over to fluff Reid's pillow as she spoke, and Hotch noticed her nose wrinkle slightly as she got close to Reid.

Apparently Reid noticed too _or he'd already been thinking the same thing,_ because he answered, "Actually, I'd love a shower. Would that be possible?"

Liz gave him a brief once-over before responding, "I think that will be fine. I'll send Damian in to give you a hand."

"Thanks Liz."

"No problem." She grinned at him and grabbed the tray on her way out.

Hotch decided this was the optimal time for them to vacate the room for awhile. He stood up from the window and spoke firmly yet casually. "I think that is our cue to go. Why don't we all go get breakfast and come back later." The others recognized that it wasn't a suggestion and immediately reacted by saying goodbye to Reid and filing out. Jason remained standing by Reid's side, the look on his face clearly saying that he didn't intend to leave.

"Coming Jason?" he asked pointedly.

"I think I'll just…" he began, but Reid cut him off mid-sentence.

"It's ok, you can go with them. I'll be fine here."

Jason looked unconvinced, but Hotch added, "We won't be gone that long." Finally he consented and left. Hotch locked eyes with Reid and saw a flash of gratitude. He nodded in response to the unspoken words. "Call us if you need anything." Reid gave him a small smile and tipped his head. He left and walked down the hall to the elevator.

* * *

Upon arriving in the cafeteria, he found the others waiting in line. Once they were all seated with their trays, Elle turned to him.

"So why is there a guard on Reid's room?"

"Because keeping the press away has been a nightmare. We didn't disclose the hospital but most of them figured it out anyway. The place was swarmed a few minutes after we got here. The staff and Agent Johnson from the Atlanta office have been managing them pretty well, but we didn't want anyone trying to sneak in."

"That makes sense."

They all ate in silence for a few minutes before Morgan spoke. "Hey, what were you up to earlier Baby Girl?"

Garcia looked at him with a slightly guilty expression. "I was…taking care of something…" she muttered into her oatmeal.

"I know, you said that. I get the feeling there's more to it than that."

"I hate profilers." She glanced anxiously around the table and let out a heavy sigh. "I…may have kept my remote access to Henkel's computer…" Seeing the puzzled expressions around her, she continued explaining. "I was trying to remove the videos of the murders and of…so that they couldn't be spread around any further." Heads around the table nodded their approval, but Hotch noticed Jason staring at Garcia strangely. "Don't worry sir," she added quickly while looking at Hotch, "I made copies on cd for our files first. I just didn't want them getting out."

"That's good Garcia," he assured her. "What is it Jason?"

"I thought you said it couldn't be removed," Jason stated while continuing to look confused ( _and angry?)._

"It can't be, not really. If anyone downloaded their own copy, I can't do anything about that. But, I destroyed the originals so any links to them won't work. Also, I spread the word about the file being corrupted so hopefully that will discourage sharing. That's the best I can do but it should help."

Jason nodded his approval and whispered, "thank you."

"No problem sir."

They all resumed eating again, but only moments later Garcia asked, "Do you think he's faking?"

After they all exchanged confused glances, Emily prodded. "What do you mean?"

"Well he-Reid-he seemed ok, a little quiet maybe but not too bad. You're profilers; do you think he's really ok?"

No one spoke for several seconds. Finally, Morgan replied, "He's better than I expected. When we left last night he was pretty out of it. I wondered how he'd be today but he did well." He turned to Elle. "How was he when you got here?"

"I don't think he was 'out of it' by then, but he definitely wasn't in a good place. I've never seen him so reserved, and he didn't want to be alone."

"That's to be anticipated," Jason commented thoughtfully. "I admit I'm also a bit surprised at his behavior. He's been more open than I expected him to be, and it seems he's letting us support him-for now anyway."

"Yeah, and the fact that he talked to Elle so willingly is a good sign," Emily chimed in.

"He told you what happened?" Hotch couldn't stop himself from asking. He wasn't sure which was more surprising-the fact that Reid told Elle about his experience, or that Elle apparently had been at the hospital longer than he'd originally thought.

"Yeah, he did. I didn't think he would at first but we finally got through the whole story." She cast her eyes over the group. "You guys haven't heard everything have you?"

"No, we only know what was on the videos," Garcia answered. Hotch noticed the tremor in her voice as she said 'videos', and he noted he silent shudder that collectively ran through his team members.

"I'm sure he'll tell us about it when he's ready-if he wants too," Hotch supplied. "For now he has all of us to support him if he needs it." Murmurs of agreement came from the group.

"So Hotch," Elle said with an evil grin, "You wanted to know what I've been telling Emily."

He opened his mouth to make a retort when a loud shriek interrupted him. "What the hell is going on?" JJ's hysterical tone shocked him. He looked up to see their usually poised media liaison in wrinkled clothes with wild bed hair and puffy, red eyes. The expressions surrounding him revealed that he wasn't the only one caught off-guard by her appearance.

"JJ…" Garcia started,, but JJ continued speaking frantically.

"What happened? Something's gone wrong, hasn't it? How can you all sit here peacefully like this when something's obviously going on with Reid upstairs?"

"JJ…what are you talking about?" Emily asked carefully

"Reid! Geez, what else? Will someone tell me what's going on?"

Garcia slowly stood and eased her way next to JJ as if she were holding a live grenade. "Sweetie, calm down a minute…"

"I won't calm down until someone tells me what's going on!"

"JJ!" Hotch snapped firmly. "Sit down and talk to us." The commanding tone broke through her confusion and JJ allowed Garcia to lead her to the chair between herself and Emily.

"Now honey," Garcia said soothingly, "Tell us why you're freaking out."

"Ok." JJ took a deep breath and began. "I woke up and no one was around. I couldn't find my phone so I didn't know if you tried to call me and there weren't any messages at the desk. I called a taxi and got here but the receptionist wouldn't tell me what room number to go to because I didn't have my badge or ID. I started wandering the floors and cornered the first doctor I found. He must have known I was serious because he gave me directions. Then, the guard said no one was allowed in and I panicked because I just knew something had happened. He told me to check for you here and I'm worrying the whole way down expecting something terrible and then you're all just sitting here…"

She sighed and seemed to run out of steam. Her head fell to the table with a quiet thump.

"Whoa sweetie, chill," Garcia said gently as she wrapped an arm around JJ's shoulder. "Nothing bad happened, at least not today."

"Really?" Her question was muffled by the fabric.

"Yes, really. The nurse was helping Reid take a shower so we came down for breakfast," Emily reassured her.

JJ raised her head. "He's ok?"

"Yes, he's ok," Jason stated

"Oh. Oh I'm so stupid!"

"No you aren't. I'm sorry I didn't leave a note but I didn't think you'd be up so soon-you were knocked out when I left."

"It's ok," JJ muttered. "This is all my fault anyway."

"What's your fault?" Emily wondered.

"This…" she raised her head and gestured vaguely to their surroundings. "If I hadn't screwed up, none of this would have happened."

"JJ, that's not true!" Garcia scolded.

"Yes it is! You all know it is. You said as much!" She cried while looking pointedly at Morgan.

"What?" Emily and Garcia yelled simultaneously.

Morgan raised his hands in surrender. "Whoa, hey, that's not what I said!"

"It's what you implied! It's what you all think and you're right."

"JJ, no one thinks that this is your fault," Hotch informed her.

"Definitely not me," Morgan piped in.

"But you said…"

"No," he stated firmly, "You wanted me to blame you. That's not my place; I wasn't there. I told you that you have to figure it out for yourself."

"But…"

"And," Elle broke in, "I know for a fact that Reid doesn't blame you."

JJ looked at her in disbelief. "Elle?" She queried, just realizing her friend's presence.

"Hey, it's about time," she grinned.

"When did you get here? Wait-you talked to Reid? What did he say? How is he?"

"One question at a time please," Elle said with a laugh. "I got here yesterday and saw Reid last night. He told me what happened and trust me, he takes full responsibility for everything."

Something thing about the way she said 'everything' made Hotch feel uneasy. _Surely he doesn't blame himself for the murders_! _He couldn't do anything to stop them._ Instinctively, though, he knew that Reid did feel guilt for Pam and Mike Hayes being killed. _That's just one more issue we'll have to deal with later._

"But…it was my fault! I didn't have his back. While I was off shooting dogs he faced Henkel alone!"

"JJ, look at me and listen closely," Hotch demanded. When she complied he continued speaking. "There is plenty of blame and guilt to go around. I blame myself for sending the two of you out there without any backup. It was lucky that Faraday recognized Henkel's dogs or we might have been even further behind." A look of horror passed over each person's face at his words. "Jason blames himself for provoking Henkel. Garcia blames herself for not being able to trace the video feeds. Morgan and Prentiss feel guilty because they weren't there when I made the assignment to interview Henkel. I'm sure Reid feels guilty-just like you do-for splitting up. The point is we can each find fault with ourselves and each other for what happened. None of that matters, though, because none of us caused this or could have prevented it. All of this self recrimination doesn't help anyone.

He looked around the table at his colleagues, who wore looks of incredulity and agreement. "You're good, Boss Man," Garcia said after a moment.

"Yeah, you totally nailed me," Morgan confirmed, and Emily nodded her consent.

"You forgot me," Elle supplied. "I feel guilty because Reid was there for me and I wasn't there when he needed me."

"You're here now, that's what counts," Jason told her with a small smile. "I'm sure he appreciates it."

"I know I'm glad you're here," Morgan teased while elbowing her in the arm.

"Yeah?" She grinned cheekily at him.

"Yeah, it's been decidedly less feminist around here without you."

"Hey," Emily, Elle, and JJ protested.

"Does that mean I'm masculine?" Emily asked.

"No way! You just don't threaten to kick my ass every five minutes."

"Maybe I should," Emily responded thoughtfully. Everyone laughed, and the remaining tension dissolved as Morgan and Elle argued over who "won" their last hand-to-hand match.


	6. Thanks for the Memories

Spencer sighed in relief as the door to his hospital room clicked shut. He felt exhausted even though it was barely afternoon. Showering, washing his hair, and changing into clean pajamas had felt like a full day's activity, and then his team members came back from breakfast, bring with them a guilt-ridden and extremely apologetic JJ.

After the failure of his repeated efforts to reassure her that he didn't blame her, he decided to ignore her altogether. Not the nicest of tactics he was certain, but he simply didn't have the energy to battle her remorse along with his own emotional issues and physical discomfort. She was, as expected, hurt by his actions and spent the remainder of the visit sulking in a corner. Some time later Garcia whispered to him that JJ was still feeling the effects of her prescribed sedatives. Upon learning that Spencer felt his irritation toward her diminish. After all, she had been hurt and traumatized and that was before being forced to cope with the same things the rest of the team had to deal with. It wasn't surprising that she seemed to be just this side of a breakdown. In the back of his mind Spencer couldn't help but wonder why he didn't feel similarly. _Maybe it has something to do with the drugs?_

The remaining two hours were awkward and tense, and although he greatly appreciated the support, Spencer was grateful when Hotch gathered everyone to leave due to an incoming visitor. The face that he did this was rather suspicious, at least it was to Spencer, particularly because Hotch offered no clues to the caller's identity or purpose; no one else appeared to be concerned though. He imagined his colleagues were thankful for the excuse to leave for a while. He was eager for anything to relieve the pressure from so many visitors. That is, he was eager until a knock on his door and a familiar male voice calling his name made Spencer realize that this wasn't a distraction he was looking for. He barely contained an exasperated groan as Dr. Malachy Benson sat down in a chair opposite his bed.

Of course he knew that the Bureau's head psychologist would want to meet with him eventually, but he honestly expected to avoid the conversation until he arrived back in Virginia. He certainly hadn't anticipated the FBI to foot the bill to fly the doctor to Atlanta.

_They must really think I might go off the deep end if they are doing an eval so soon!_

He supposed it wasn't much of a stretch to make that assumption. Take a child prodigy genius with a family history of mental illness who works for the department of the FBI with the highest rate of burnout, factor in two days of mental and physical torture at the hands of a sadistic unsub in a psychotic break, top it off with forcible drug use and the whole situation screamed disaster.

_It's no wonder they want to get ahead of things._

Spencer could already sense a headache beginning. The two men stared silently at each other for several moments before Spencer decided not to delay the inevitable any longer. Previous consultations with Dr. Benson told him that there would be no quick or easy way out of the discussion so it was best to just face it head on.

"I assume you're here to pick my brain," he stated causally.

Dr. Benson chuckled softly and nodded. "Yes. Unfortunately the Bureau is not paying my tab just so I can shop the Underground." Spencer allowed only a tiny twitch of a smile to cross his face. Just because it was pointless to play tough- Dr. Benson cracked everyone eventually- he wasn't going to make things too easy.

"How are you feeling Spencer, physically I mean?" Spencer hesitated for several seconds until he determined that honesty was the way to go for now.

"I'm ok. They have me on a very mild painkiller for my foot and ribs, but they're still trying to flush the other drugs out of my system so they can't give me anything stronger." He indicated the IV bag, which had been replaced following his shower. "I'm supposed to have a few more of these over the next couple of days, and if my tox screens and heart tests come back good they'll consider letting me go home by the weekend." He paused briefly before adding, "I assume you are familiar with the details by now?"

Dr. Benson nodded. "I have read what we have so far. Of course there is still work to be done, but I am up to speed on the latest."

"Good. That means we can move this along faster."

"Well not exactly. You have not turned in a report yet so I do not have your version of recent events. I suppose I could wait for you to file, but I do not see the point in that as I am already here."

Spencer scowled irritably. He'd had doubts that he could really get away with that technique, but it was worth an effort regardless. "What would you like to know?"

"How about we start at the beginning? Tell me about the case that brought you here." Dr. Benson settled back in the chair with his ever-present notebook ready.

Spencer let out a dramatically heavy sigh to emphasize how little he wanted to participate in this conversation. "JJ took a call while we were all out for the Super Bowl…"

* * *

Spencer rubbed his hands over his eyes in frustration. He'd managed to recite the details of the case, his discovery at the Hankel farm, and what he could recall of his initial abduction to the point where he awoke in the freezing cabin to the smell of burning fish. Suddenly he found that he really didn't want to discuss this anymore. His talk with Elle the previous evening- and the subsequent brutal nightmares –were still fresh in his mind. He wasn't eager to repeat the experience so soon.

Dr. Benson seemed to sense his reluctance as he gently prodded, "How did you learn about the other personalities?"

Spencer hesitated momentarily before forcing himself to continue speaking. "I first suspected something was going on in the cornfield. I could see the shifts between them, but it wasn't until later that I fully realized what was happening. When I was waking up in the shack, I heard his voice before I opened my eyes…I knew right away that this wasn't the same person I met at the farm. When I asked who he was and he said he was 'Raphael' the pieces started to come together. It made sense with the profile we came up with. I noticed how he would use "I" to refer to himself, but he also used "they" and "we" even though no one else was there. Later when 'Charles' came, I knew immediately that he was someone different; I just didn't know who he was right away."

"So there were three separate personalities?"

He nodded. "The father, Charles, was the religious one. He wanted to make me…confess…my 'sins' so he could punish me for them. I knew he wouldn't intentionally kill me until he had a valid reason to do so."

"Intentionally kill you?"

Spencer sat up straight and mindlessly fiddled with the blanket folded across the bed. "Well he…did…accidentally…but Tobias…Tobias gave me CPR and saved me."

"So Tobias was the first one you met, is that right?"

"Yeah, uh, he was at the farm. He was afraid of his father, he wouldn't talk to us. He was also in the cornfield…He and 'Charles' were arguing about shooting me right there. I think it was Tobias that won because later on 'Charles' told me that his son thought God gave me to him for a reason. So…it was Tobias that saved me...more than once…" Spencer's voice trailed off sadly as he remembered watching Tobias die in the cemetery. "And, I killed him," he added bitterly.

"Yes, you did," Dr. Benson stated matter-of-factly. Spencer looked up at him in mild surprise. "However you also killed 'Charles' and 'Raphael' did you not?"

"Yeah." He was silent for several seconds before whispering, "That's what he said too."

"Who?"

"Tobias. He…after I shot 'Charles' I went over to pick up the knife. Tobias was there and he said to me, 'You killed him.' He looked so relieved to be free…and he asked…" Spencer swallowed the lump that formed in his throat at the memory. "He asked if I thought he would see his mom again! All I could say was 'I'm sorry.' I am sorry. It wasn't entirely his fault and he did try his best to help me and the others too. I just wish I could have helped him."

"You did, Spencer. You freed him from his father and 'Raphael'."

Spencer nodded in agreement but he wasn't truly convinced that the statement was completely accurate.

"Tell me about 'Raphael'," Dr. Benson requested firmly. Spencer eagerly latched onto the subject change.

"I think 'Raphael' was the one responsible for carrying out the punishments for the sinners. When I was watching the murder…" he paused long enough to fight back the images of the Hayes' slaughter. "It was 'Raphael' that made the 911 call before killing them. With me, it was always 'Raphael' that played Russian roulette for 'God's Will'. But, what was still strange was that after I confessed, 'Charles' that was going to kill me. It was all very weird."

"I believe that is understating it somewhat," Dr. Benson scoffed.

Spencer tipped his head to concur, but he found that speaking required more energy than he cared to expend. He had reached his limit. The psychologist knowingly recognized the changes in Spencer's behavior and accurately guessed his feelings. He stood and walked nearer the bed. "Well Spencer, I think that is more than enough for now. Obviously we have a lot more to discuss, but I mostly wanted to check on you personally as soon as possible to see how you are coping. I am pleased to see that you are doing fairly well. I will remain in town for another day or two, so if you need me for any reason, I can be here quickly."

Spencer indicated acknowledgment of the statement silently. "Shall I send anyone up to see you? I am sure that some of your team members are still nearby."

"No thank you," he replied softly.

"All right then, get some rest. I will come to see you again before I leave."

"Thanks," Spencer murmured as he shifted position and lay back against the pillows. The door closed with a soft click and the room was eerily quiet other than the various mechanical sounds that he was used to tuning out. He felt the exhaustion in his body and the turmoil in his mind as flashes from his captivity intermingled with his own voice retelling the story in vivid detail. He almost regretted being alone as he knew that wasn't likely to sleep any time soon.


	7. An Offer You Can't Refuse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The statistics Reid uses in the chapter are real and fairly accurate as far as I can tell. I originally posted this back in '08, so they may have been updated since then.

Elle awoke suddenly, looking frantically around the dim room for the source of the disturbance.. Her eyes landed immediately on the serene face of Spencer Reid. For once her friend appeared to be sleeping peacefully so she continued the search. It took only a few seconds for her to notice Kenly, the night nurse, quietly changing the saline bag on Reid's IV pole. She barely made a sound as she carried out her duties with practiced ease. As she finished and moved to look Reid over, she noticed Elle watching her. Kenly smiled warmly and indicated the IV.

"Last one," she whispered. "He's doing well."

Elle nodded and returned the grin with relief. "Good. Maybe we'll be out of here soon."

"I believe so. things are looking positive."

"I'm glad to hear that."

After finishing her checks, Kenly silently headed for the door. "You should try to rest too," she stated in the low undertone she'd been using so as not to wake her patient. Elle nodded again and promised to give it an effort. She seriously doubted that she would be successful, however. Sleep had been an elusive thing for both her and Reid since she'd snuck back in to visit Reid nearly an hour after his meeting with Dr. Benson, the Bureau's head psychologist.

* * *

_Hotch told everyone about the impending session Dr. Benson was coming for after herding them all from Reid's room. Elle knew Reid was likely to need company after that surely unpleasant conversation. As she'd suspected, Reid was in panic mode by the time she arrived; he'd seemed to be caught in a flashback. Being all too familiar with the experience herself, she knew it was better to let him ride out the worst of the memories before pulling him back to the present. Elle watched him closely until his breathing slowed and his body stopped thrashing around weakly. then she'd walked over and gently stroked his hair while softly calling his name. He'd jumped and his eyes flew open. He'd stared at her face for several seconds before recognition crossed his face. He relaxed as she settled into a chair nearby and made light small talk. Finally, he addressed the previously unmentioned incident._

_"Sorry, I guess my talk with Dr. Benson stirred up some memories."_

_"It's ok," she hurriedly reassured him, "that is a perfectly normal reaction to the trauma you experienced."_

_"Yeah, I guess so. Why do I have to be normal in just this one area?"_

_The question nearly made her laugh, but the bitter tinge to his voice tampered down her amusement. "Honey you're normal in a lot of ways; you just can't see them"_

_"Oh really, like what for instance?"_

_She didn't let the sarcasm deter her from her goal of making him feel better. "Well for starters, you can't use chopsticks, which is very common."_

_A tiny hint of a smile grazed his lips as he absently muttered, "Over 30% of people in the world use chopsticks on a daily basis."_

_"So the way I see it, that puts you in the 70%, which is well above average. Also, your Spanish pronunciation is terrible..."_

_"Spanish is spoken natively by more than 329 million people worldwide. In the US 43 million people have it as a first language while around 6 million have it as a second or third language. According to the census taken in 2008, the population of the US is approximately 304 million, which makes the percentage of Spanish-speaking Americans almost 15.5%."_

_"Again that puts you in the majority. Need more?"_

_"Sure, what else do you have?"_

_"You get nervous talking to women-particularly blondes I've noticed-and even more so if they flirt with you. Most of the guys I've known have difficulty conversing with pretty ladies." Reid remained silent but the blush on his cheeks spoke volumes to her accuracy. "Also like a lot of guys I know, you know all the rules to football."_

_"That's just from reading. I've never even watched more than one whole game."_

_"Still, JJ told me you knew more about the game than she did and that's really saying something for an addict like her."_

_"Ok, anything else?"_

_"Oh! You're a mama's boy, which is_ _very_ _typical of most guys let me tell you."_

_"Hey!" He protested indignantly. "I am not...well I...but..."_

_"Face it Reid, you are. Don't worry though; in your case it's not bad; in fact it's very cute and very normal."_

_"That's good then." He treated her to an adorable half-smile._

_They sat in comfortable silence for several minutes before Elle decided to change the subject. "So, have you thought about what you're going to do when you bust outta here?"_

_"What do you mean?" Reid gave her a puzzled frown."I figured I'd go home. Morgan volunteered to 'babysit' me. What else would I do?"_

_"Well, the doctor will want someone to stay with you for awhile, plus you'll probably have to take a couple of weeks of sick leave but Morgan has to go back to work. It could get boring sitting around your apartment for that long."_

_"So, what do you suggest I do as an alternative?"_

_"You should come stay with me. I got the same instructions from Dr. Allen that Morgan did."_

_His eyebrows rose dramatically as his eyes widened. "Um, what?"_

_She couldn't suppress a laugh at his scandalized expression. "Relax. I'm not suggesting anything 'improper'. I have a very lonely guest room just begging for company. Besides that I'm certain you still haven't taken the time to properly tour New York City like you wanted the last time we were there. If you have to be off of work you might as well have some fun."_

_She could see the gears in his brain turning as he considered all the aspects of her proposal. Finally he gave her a megawatt smile. "That actually sounds good, much better than being alone the whole time." His face took on a mischievous look. "You will have to wait on me for a while."_

_"Oh I will, will I?"_

_"Well yeah. I will be on crutches for at least a week. You can't expect me to fend for myself?"_

_She smirked back at him. "I'll definitely take_ _good_ _care of you!"_

_"Should I be worried?"_

_"Maybe." They exchanged grins. "So that settles it, then? You're coming with me?"_

_He nodded. "I can't really think of a better option."_

_"Good. I'll call my brothers and have them get everything ready for when we arrive. I have a few more days off so I can get you settled in and show you around. Jonathan and Richard won't mind looking in on you while I'm working."_

_"I don't want to be a bother to anyone."_

_"You won't be at all. They always tease me about needing a life outside of work, and I'm sure you'll get along great with them. They're both huge trivia buffs and they always trick people into playing Trivial Pursuit with them. I'll be sure not to warn them so you can slaughter them!"_

_She winked at him and he laughed softly. "Sounds great. I'll try to go easy on them."_

_"Don't you dare! They've been beating me for years; I want you to destroy them!"_

_"I'll see what I can do."_

* * *

Elle smiled again at the image of Reid killing Richard and Jonathan at their favorite board game. They both deserved a good pounding. Reid shifted in his sleep, drawing her from her musings. His brow furrowed and his lips moved wordlessly for a few moments until he settled back down. She was relieved that he stayed asleep; he needed the rest. They'd talked late into the night, planning trips to all of the necessary tourist spots- The Statue of Liberty, Times Square, Central Park, Little Italy, Chinatown-along with her favorite pizza places and a number of museums Reid wanted to see. The more they plotted the more excited she became about the idea. The last vacation she'd taken hadn't gone well, unless being arrested for murder in Jamaica counted as a good time. She was so happy that Reid agreed to come with her.

_This is going to be so much fun! Playing tourist with him is bound to be interesting. I just have to be careful not to wear him out. After all, he will be on 'sick' leave._

That thought sobered her up some as she realized that he might not be up for so much excitement. He would be on crutches for part of it, plus he would likely still be sore and tired. He also still had nightmares -he'd already had one in the three hours since falling asleep on her.

_What if they don't get better soon? What if he's exhausted and miserable the whole time?_

Before the idea was even complete, she knew that she would deal with things if they went badly. She'd had a difficult period following her own trauma, and she was more than willing to help Reid through his if necessary. With that decision firmly fixed in her mind, Elle shifted around to get more comfortable in her chair. If Reid did get released later that day, she would need her rest.


	8. Back to Good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well folks, this is the end of this little side trip. I hope you've all enjoyed this fic , and thanks to all who stayed with me during the sporadic updates.

Reid glared at Morgan as he tried to balance on one crutch and pull his pant leg over his bandage-wrapped foot. He was getting much better with practice, but some things were still tricky to do on crutches. Getting dressed was apparently one of those things. Yet here his 'friend' sat laughing at him while he struggled. He paused in his efforts, debating whether or not to hop over and sit on his bed to finish. It was certainly easier that way but it made his ribs hurt more putting that much pressure on them. He was so involved in his internal discussion that he didn't notice Morgan walk over and kneel in front of him.

A gentle touch on his bad foot snapped him out of his thoughts and into what was going on around him. Morgan had Reid's heel resting on the palm of his hand while he carefully maneuvered the stiff corduroy over the ACE bandage supporting the fractured bones. Reid let out a sigh of relief as his foot finally cooperated and he was able to pull his pants into their proper place. He murmured a thanks to Morgan as he secured the zipper and buttons. As he fastened the buckle on his belt, he noticed that Morgan had yet to rise from the floor.

"What are you doing?" His tone held a note of suspicion, but he felt it was justified. Morgan had wasted little time in coming up with crutch-related 'practical' jokes, so naturally Reid was wary of his motives.

"Nothing bad man, I promise. I just wanted to help with your shoe while I was down here."

Reid raised an eyebrow skeptically but he allowed Morgan to assist nonetheless. At last he was able to sink down onto his bed; it amazed him how something so minimal could tire him so quickly. He wondered if he'd be able to fully enjoy his time in New York if he continued to feel that way. He shook his head to chase away the negative thoughts. No matter what, he was determined to have fun. Besides that, there was no possible way Elle would allow him to sit around and mope when they had so many activities planned. That knowledge made him even more glad he agreed to Elle's plan.

A knock on the door followed by several chipper female voices made him smile wider as he yelled for them to come in. Dr. Allen entered the room followed by JJ, Emily, Elle, and Garcia. All five wore happy expressions so he assumed this was the visit he'd been waiting for.

"All right Spencer," Dr. Allen said cheerily, "it looks like you're all set to get out of here. Ms. Greenaway has your discharge instructions and copies of your records to take back to your regular doctor."

"I've already arranged for your flight tomorrow morning to New York-first class," Garcia chimed in. "You guys have e-tickets so all you have to do is show up and show your ID."

"I've filled your prescriptions so we don't have to worry about stopping for them later. Also, Jonathan is meeting us at the airport so we won't have to wait for a cab," Elle added.

"I retrieved your things from Atlanta PD when we finished at the station." Emily held up a plastic bag containing Reid's watch, gun, badge, and cell phone. "Everything has been processed and cleaned so you're good to go. They couldn't save your clothes but I didn't think you'd want them back anyway."

Reid shook his head emphatically. "No, definitely not."

JJ quickly changed the subject. "I filed the paperwork for your sick leave. You have two weeks off plus a mandatory psych eval and physical before you can return. It's all approved and waiting for Hotch to sign, then you'll be free."

"Consider yourself free then." A deep voice spoke from behind the women. Hotch and Gideon stood in the doorway holding coffee for the group. Reid frowned at the taunt of something he couldn't have until he counted the cups and realized there was one for him as well. It took all of his willpower to keep from hurling himself across the room and tackling Hotch with his crutches. Instead, he fidgeted impatiently until finally a steaming cup was placed in his hand. He looked around for condiments but Gideon just smiled at him.

"We already fixed it for you so you wouldn't have to wait."

Without hesitation he lifted the drink and took a long gulp. A voice urging him to slow down forced him to take a breath and savor the glorious flavors remaining on his tongue. It was so wonderful that he barely cared that everyone was laughing at his reaction.

"Take it easy, man. It's not going anywhere," Morgan assured him.

"Besides, the doctor says you only get half a cup for now so you better enjoy it," Hotch added with a small smirk.

Reid ripped off the lid and was dismayed to find that only one or two sips were left in the cup. "You could have told me that sooner," he grumbled as he drained the final drops. The room filled with laughter again as the others drank their coffee at a normal rate. Dr. Allen finished his own drink and then approached Reid.

"Let me give you one last look-over for the road." Reid obliged, sitting still as Dr. Allen listened to his heart, checked his blood pressure and pulse rate, and carefully palpated his ribs. He then took a small pair of scissors from his coat pocket and snipped the red plastic bracelet on Reid's wrist. "You are officially discharged. Everything looks good."

A quiet cheer erupted from his team members and Reid couldn't help but smile. He looked up to make eye contact with his physician. "Thank you, Dr. Allen, for all that you did for me. I really appreciate everything."

"It was no problem Spencer. I'm always glad to help out an officer of the law." He handed Reid a clip board with several sheets of paper on it. Reid hurriedly signed his name to the release papers and pushed himself off the bed and onto the waiting crutches Morgan held for him. Dr. Allen led him out of the room while the rest of the team huddled around him.

During his slow hobble to the elevator, JJ made her way over to him. "I should warn you, Spence, that there could be a reporter or two lurking around downstairs. Agent Johnson has done a good job of fighting them off so far but that doesn't guarantee that they will all stay away."

"Has it really been that bad?" He knew, of course, that the media had his story but he hadn't anticipated becoming big news.

"It's been crazy," Hotch replied grimly. "That is why the Bureau sent us help; we never could have handled this ourselves."

"Well, if they are there then I'll just deal with it." He was too eager to get home to let a few news-hungry reporters get in his way.

"I'll chase them off," Dr. Allen assured. "They aren't allowed on hospital property without express permission from the Board."

"We left the cars parked close so we won't have too far to go anyway," Gideon added.

"That's good," Reid stated as he slowly made his way out of the elevator and down the hallway toward the main entrance. "I'm still working on getting used to these things."

He could see their black SUVs through the glass doors as he approached. Apparently the vehicles looked as official as he thought they did because three men were "inconspicuously" loitering around nearby. Reid snorted an amused laugh at their efforts to avoid looking like reporters; he was fairly certain the hospital had its own maintenance staff and didn't hire plumbers from private companies to stand around and smoke outside their doorways. Sure enough, as soon as the men saw Reid they clamored over trying to get pictures and statements. Morgan and Gideon pushed between him and the men as they continued making their way to the car. Emily moved ahead to open the door for him while Hotch joined JJ and Dr. Allen in distracting the reporters. Reid's "bodyguards" sat on either side of him while Emily took the driver's seat and Elle rode shotgun. Finally the reporters left, and JJ, Hotch and Garcia climbed into the other SUV. They all waved goodbye to Dr. Allen as they pulled out of the parking lot and drove toward the airport.

* * *

The ride to the private airstrip was less than 20 minutes, and in another 10 the group was spread out inside the jet. Reid sat propped up on the couch with his foot elevated. Garcia sat in the chair next to him holding his hand while Morgan, JJ, Emily, and Elle played cards at the nearby table. Hotch and Gideon occupied recliners across the aisle.

The mood on the plane was jovial, and even the older agents participated in the teasing and joking that ensued. The card game quickly declined into a vicious card house building competition during which Reid's engineering knowledge was heavily relied upon. The relaxed atmosphere did wonders for Reid's frame of mind, which had teetered toward the negative side for most of his hospital stay. His brain kept trying to drift back into the dark shadows of bad possibilities for his future:

_What if I can't get well enough to go back to work? What if I do and can't handle the stress and have a heart attack like Dr. Allen said?_

_What happens if I develop PTSD or keep having nightmares and flashbacks?_

_What if I can't shake the drug cravings? Even after treatment nearly 48% of drug users relapse within the first year..._

The laughter coming from his friends and team members served as a lifeline to keep him from slipping to far into the depressing thoughts. He took in their happy smiles and playfulness and allowed the feeling to wash over him too. Reid knew he still had many issues to face, and that it would be some time before he would be "fine" or "okay" again. For now, though, he was alive and well and surrounded by people who cared about him. That was good enough.


End file.
